(I started this post last friday and have changed it a little to make it applicable to now.)
So I was planning on posting soon anyways, but I got some news just recently that made me want to write. Because I don't really have alot of really close friends that I can talk to about anything, I write. And I know people say 'If you ever need anything you can talk to me..' but how many people actually mean that, or if they do, how many of us are actually brave enough or desperate enough to want to actually go spill to someone we hardly know, and we feel would leave us just as empty after talking to? So I write.
I got home after my second job last thursday with full intention of going straight to bed so that I could wake up around 12:30 to go to the Harry Potter premier a friend had invited me to (Yea, I know it was super crazy, but I felt I wanted/should go because I had baled on this friend on a previous midnight showing cause I wasn't feeling well and other dumb circumstances). So I got home and figured I should go upstairs and check on my family, the babies, see how they were all doing and say good night. But my mom was there, I guess to help out while one of my sis's and her husband went to get food. Its good to see my mom, I hardly ever get to see her lately and if I do its usually for 2-20 minutes. I call her more frequently now tho since she's been getting worse, and we have big plans to go to Shopko and have a shopping spree on their new scarves and hats she saw before all her hair falls out. We all talked for a bit about who knows what and then my sister and her husband came home, and then my mom started in on something. She started to get broken up and it took me a minute to get was she was saying. 'I got a call from Uncle Bobby and for some reason Grandma blacked out so she ended up at the hospital and they found that she has cancer on her kidney.. so they had an emergency surgery and they are hoping it will work out ok. If not she has about a week to live, if it does than she has about 3 to 6 months....' I love my grandma. She lives in Florida so I havent been able to see her in 4 years. But I've kept thinking how much I miss her lately and how I wish I could go out there just to see her. I've thought about it, but with saving up for a mission I figured it would be kind of a selfish indulgence to spend the money to go out there, and with my two jobs it seemed nearly impossible to get it off anyways. (She has always been in perfect health so I figured I could see her when I came back from a mission.) I write her every now and then and I had a feeling a couple weeks back to write her again, I had been meaning to for awhile but I finally had the thought at a time I actually had time to do it. I wrote her about life, school, work, and the hope of going on a mission. I told her how much Grandpa was such an example to me and helped me to learn how important working hard and doing things right was, and how much I miss him as well. I talked alot about God and how I am so much happier with life and I hope that she could someday find the happiness I have found by knowing him. I worried that I would turn her off because she isnt Mormon although she is Christian, (this is where I ended before I had to get off, and some things have changed to make me finish this a different way..) but apparently my mom says that my Uncle said that he doesnt know what I said in that letter, but it has made her so happy and she hasnt stopped talking about it since. He said thank you more than any words can say.. I was shocked, but so happy, because I love my Grandma, and because I also know that it wasnt all me.. God had a large hand in getting me to write and helping me to know what to say, and I was just an instrument in his hand to help her. :) I love when things like that happen. When God lets you be a part of helping someone else, and when he makes it sooo obvious how much he loves his children. I don't know what part of what I said really impacted her, but I'm sooo thankful that I was listening to be able to say it.
I bought one-way tickets last friday for my mom and little sister to go to Florida this Friday after Thanksgiving and then I was planning on flying out the day of my last class and staying for about 5 days. But when I got home last night my family was all there again and my mother informed me that my little sister could not go because My grandma would not be able to handle the stress. She had already had a stress attack that had made her heart stop apparently and thankfully my aunt (who is a nurse) happened to be there to help her. Everyone chimed in at once and basically said that I needed to go. All my other siblings are too young or have babies and couldnt. I have work and school but they all said I should be the one to go. I could do my homework there they said because my Grandma apparently has a collection of sewing machines.. lol. And I would only need to get 3 days off at one of my jobs by some fluke of amazingness. But I already talked to my morning job and they said they didnt think they could let me. Apparently friday two of the office girls already have off and so they said no. But I'm still hoping something else works out. If not, oh well, thats life. I just hope that I'll still be able to make it out there before she passes.
Oh by the way No. 4? No. 4 means that this is the 4th out of 5 people on my mother's side of the family who have been diagnosed with some sort of cancer. My grandma's is apparently the rarest type of cancer, and has a 1% survival rate of lasting up to a year after detected. Crazy right? Thank heavens for God, Jesus Christ, the Lds church and the influence they all have in my life. I don't know how I would make it through these days without them. I love you all and hope you have a wonderful holiday season. Happy Thanksgiving and remember all the many things we have to be grateful for. :) Wish me luck, and hopefully, I will have better news for you all soon! ♥ -Liz