So I might change this up a bit. :) But first I'll start with updates, (cause I write this so rarely) my mom has gotten off the Red Devil chemo since even that isnt working. She's gotten alot worse, but I think prayers for her have kept her going steady even so. They are putting her on a new medicine which will kill her red blood cells and make her immune system plummet. So now I will be eyeing every coworker that has even the sniffles as if they carry they plague.. Lol. Don't worry I'll still be nice (in that don't-come-within-15-feet-of-me! type of way). I have started school again (AHHHHHHH!!), and have faith that I will do better at the whole working two jobs and taking 3 classes thing, since I wasnt the best at it last time. Oh, and I have to pay for it all on my own since working two jobs all of last year apparently un-qualifies me for Federal Grant money. Boo. Thankfully, I think I will have saved up enough by this week to not have to do a loan this semester. YAAAY!
So you want to hear something sad? Ok, you dont, but I'll say it anyways. So in my fashion design classes, every now and then there is a boy in the class who is usually accompinied by his very liberal girl friend. And everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE is talking, and its usually about boys. EVERYONE. Which means the boy is even talking about... well.. boys. And his boyfriend. And now that I am no longer going on a mission (well at least not for awhile til things get better, or.. much worse, with my mom) I have lost that very relaxed, 'I don't give a buffalo's nose' attitude about dating boys. I've mostly gotten over my heart being stuck in a blender and throttled about, and after 2 or more years of not having a REAL relationship, I kind of miss it, and (I'm CRINGING as I say this) may kinda sorta possibly, maybe, be sorta.. wanting one again. PHEW. I think I'm gonna puke. :) So anyways, the sad part is, I was kind of jealous of the gay classmate for having a boyfriend. Don't worry, even I think that sounds strange. :P
I may possibly have figured out something I can major in. HOORAY!! I was on facebook, and saw an ad for going to school to become an addiction counseler. Don't ask me why but this is something that whenever I saw a job for working in a Rehabilitation center, of any kind, I have always kind of wanted to try. They were always a job to be a watch person or whatever, but the idea of being around those people, and coming to understand and see if I could possibly help them has always been an interest to me (Although the big turn down is that it would be Uber depressing, and lets face it, I don't need more of that in my life). At the same time I saw an ad for learning to decorate cakes and looked at that too. SIGH. That's me. Undecisive. Actually, I wouldn't say so much indecisive as the fact that SO MANY things interest me. I LOVE to learn, it makes me happy. I would probably rather be a Jack of all trades and a Master at none, than the alternative. It makes me happy to know things, probably because I feel on the IQ scale (compared to my siblings) I got jipped, so I just love to know and understand many things. So, my objective? Look into majoring in something that could help me be an Addict counseler. If not I'll do PR. Don't ask me what I'll do with that. Oh, and I'm going to learn to decorate cakes. And I'm currently trying to learn Italian. 'La donna scrive'. Which brings me to my next part.
I'm going to make a list of things I've always wanted to do. One by One, a new one each post. :)
Oh and maybe a list of things I learned as well, random as they may be.
1) I have always wanted to ride atop a train. Preferably in a foreign country, but it doesnt have to be. Just sitting there cross legged, with the wind in my hair face towards the setting sun. And maybe attempting to stand up and pretend I'm surfing. Just for fun. So there, that's number one. Maybe someday. :)
Something I learned today: (this morning at 7 am on my way to work) I can sing higher if I use the back of my throat and maybe sing a little through my nose, which unfortunately makes me sound like a man, but I can switch it up for certain parts. Which would have been helpful to know in '06 when I did that beauty pageant and sang Opera.. Poor audience. :)
Well that's all for now folks!
"Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great purpose in heart." -Gordon B. Hinckley
Love from a friend- Liz ♥
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
What a Weird, Wonderful World
So I suppose its been an eventful few weeks. Lets see, I guess I'll start with updates (I'm really bad at keeping up on this aren't I?) Well for starters, I'm not depressed as I was at my last post (Sorry about that), I'm not sure if its the new drugs, or that things seem to be going a little better, even if maybe they really aren't. Well, my mom is on Oxygen now, which sounds really bad, but I am thankful for it, because she feels like she can breathe now and is so much more comfortable and happy because of it. Also, after they realized that her lungs were filling up with water awfully fast after each surgery to drain them, they finally just went into put in ports on both sides of her lungs so that she can drain them herself everyday. Yea. :/ But its good. Although, now her liver area is filling up with water now too randomly, which has us a little worried. I don't really know where the water comes from, my mom has just told me that they said some types of cancer just cause these kinds of things to happen. :/ But she does seem to be feeling a little better, so I am happy with that at least. :)
I just got back from a trip to Florida for a wedding of one of my best friends. I got to be her Maid of Honor and I was so thrilled to be given that honor and be trusted to help out with the wedding and try to make it the best for her. I don't know if I did all my duties for that becuase I felt like I was doing so many things last minute! :/ But it was really fun and I got to meet some Fantastic! people and see some old ones again that I hadnt seen in awhile. :) Everyone was so wonderful and pulled together to make it what I think was a beautiful occasion, and quite honestly the couple had been through so much, that to just see them married and sealed was so beautiful I dont think it would have mattered what else happened, I was so happy for them. I feel a little bit like I could have used another vacation after that trip just to recover, but I feel so blessed and happy that I was able to go that I can't complain. :) Love it!! :)
My life is weird. I realized the other day (because my testimony had kind of taken a shot put recently in a downward sloping direction, although its gotten alot better I believe) that I dont really know what I am doing with myself. I said a prayer a few nights ago where I pretty much ran through a list of things I needed to understand and need help with. Mission?, housing, car (I need to try to find one to buy REALLY soon), guys?, mom, family, testimony, job change?, education?... Yea, I'm a bit unsure of things right now to say the least. But thankfully, I don't feel all crazy up in qualms about it at the moment. I'm Soo thankful for that. And I've had some interesting experiences the last couple days that may have helped cement my little faith steps in God and him knowing where I am going.
1- He has faith in me. I was laying awake the Monday night and was up way later than I usually like to let myself, around 12:30, and was starting to slip off to sleep with the usual thoughts drifting through my head when a thought came through of a coworker of mine. She is a very spiritual lady whom I love very dearly, but who is going through some unique and trying circumstances that will not end in this lifetime. I thought of her and then thought 'I should text her'. Its 12:30 at night peeps, I don't usually do those kinds of things, but I felt pretty confidently that it was something I should do. So I did. I texted her and told her that I had been thinking of her, that I loved her, and that I hoped things were going well. Well, I had a feeling there was a reason I needed to do that (I have been told when someone randomly pops in your head like that, you should give them a call or stop by, because it usually means they need it), and there was. It apparently happened to be PERFECT timing. It made me happier then a pig in mud to be able to be the answer to someone's prayer and help them, and to know that my Father trusted me enough to know that I would do it for him.
2- He hasn't forgotten me. -Randomly in the last couple days I've had my home teacher call me (they must have reorganized or been motivated by something 'cause I was told when I asked that it appeared the two I had were an inactive and a gentleman who appeared to be the 'unmotivated' type) and told me he heard I needed a blessing. The same night I also had a couple of girls in my ward drop by to visit and see if I was going to the FHE that night as well as just to see how I was doing. I didnt think about how much effort has been put forward to show that I'm remembered til now, but I am thankful that they have and to know that I still am. :)
3- He loves me. SOOO much. -So about 15 minutes ago (just before I started to write this) I got a phone call on my cell from a number I didnt know. I didnt feel like I should pick it up and so I let it keep ringing intending to let it go to Voicemail, until suddenly I felt like I should. The man on the other end asked if I was Liz, and after saying yes, he said his name and said this was a little awkward becuase he didnt know me, but that he had a strong impression that he should call me and tell me that my Heavenly Father loves me, and that he knows exactly what I am going through. ... Wow. What the heck? Umm, ok.. Cool. :) Yea. I dont know either.. But, my normally skeptical side let it slide and I got kind of teary eyed. I just thanked the man and hung up. Soo... maybe God just realizes that I am going to need some extra pushing these days, or the Cosmos are lining up in weird ways and random people are feeling like they need to do random things? Yea.. I guess they're not so random, so it's probably the first one. Yep, my Dad loves me. Oh and guess what? He's your Dad too.. And I'm pretty sure he must love you too. :)
♥ from a Friend- Liz :)
I just got back from a trip to Florida for a wedding of one of my best friends. I got to be her Maid of Honor and I was so thrilled to be given that honor and be trusted to help out with the wedding and try to make it the best for her. I don't know if I did all my duties for that becuase I felt like I was doing so many things last minute! :/ But it was really fun and I got to meet some Fantastic! people and see some old ones again that I hadnt seen in awhile. :) Everyone was so wonderful and pulled together to make it what I think was a beautiful occasion, and quite honestly the couple had been through so much, that to just see them married and sealed was so beautiful I dont think it would have mattered what else happened, I was so happy for them. I feel a little bit like I could have used another vacation after that trip just to recover, but I feel so blessed and happy that I was able to go that I can't complain. :) Love it!! :)
My life is weird. I realized the other day (because my testimony had kind of taken a shot put recently in a downward sloping direction, although its gotten alot better I believe) that I dont really know what I am doing with myself. I said a prayer a few nights ago where I pretty much ran through a list of things I needed to understand and need help with. Mission?, housing, car (I need to try to find one to buy REALLY soon), guys?, mom, family, testimony, job change?, education?... Yea, I'm a bit unsure of things right now to say the least. But thankfully, I don't feel all crazy up in qualms about it at the moment. I'm Soo thankful for that. And I've had some interesting experiences the last couple days that may have helped cement my little faith steps in God and him knowing where I am going.
1- He has faith in me. I was laying awake the Monday night and was up way later than I usually like to let myself, around 12:30, and was starting to slip off to sleep with the usual thoughts drifting through my head when a thought came through of a coworker of mine. She is a very spiritual lady whom I love very dearly, but who is going through some unique and trying circumstances that will not end in this lifetime. I thought of her and then thought 'I should text her'. Its 12:30 at night peeps, I don't usually do those kinds of things, but I felt pretty confidently that it was something I should do. So I did. I texted her and told her that I had been thinking of her, that I loved her, and that I hoped things were going well. Well, I had a feeling there was a reason I needed to do that (I have been told when someone randomly pops in your head like that, you should give them a call or stop by, because it usually means they need it), and there was. It apparently happened to be PERFECT timing. It made me happier then a pig in mud to be able to be the answer to someone's prayer and help them, and to know that my Father trusted me enough to know that I would do it for him.
2- He hasn't forgotten me. -Randomly in the last couple days I've had my home teacher call me (they must have reorganized or been motivated by something 'cause I was told when I asked that it appeared the two I had were an inactive and a gentleman who appeared to be the 'unmotivated' type) and told me he heard I needed a blessing. The same night I also had a couple of girls in my ward drop by to visit and see if I was going to the FHE that night as well as just to see how I was doing. I didnt think about how much effort has been put forward to show that I'm remembered til now, but I am thankful that they have and to know that I still am. :)
3- He loves me. SOOO much. -So about 15 minutes ago (just before I started to write this) I got a phone call on my cell from a number I didnt know. I didnt feel like I should pick it up and so I let it keep ringing intending to let it go to Voicemail, until suddenly I felt like I should. The man on the other end asked if I was Liz, and after saying yes, he said his name and said this was a little awkward becuase he didnt know me, but that he had a strong impression that he should call me and tell me that my Heavenly Father loves me, and that he knows exactly what I am going through. ... Wow. What the heck? Umm, ok.. Cool. :) Yea. I dont know either.. But, my normally skeptical side let it slide and I got kind of teary eyed. I just thanked the man and hung up. Soo... maybe God just realizes that I am going to need some extra pushing these days, or the Cosmos are lining up in weird ways and random people are feeling like they need to do random things? Yea.. I guess they're not so random, so it's probably the first one. Yep, my Dad loves me. Oh and guess what? He's your Dad too.. And I'm pretty sure he must love you too. :)
♥ from a Friend- Liz :)
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
'Greetings from Limbo'
Wow. Life happens.. well I guess its not going fast or slow at this point.. its just goin. My little updates:
*Mission papers were supposed to go in a week ago last Friday, but tada! I'm still here. Doctors had their little meeting and decided they wanted me to meet with the medical Doc again. Seems they're not quite convinced I don't need anti-anxiety meds. And its okay, cause after this last week and a half, I'm not sure I am either.
*Gave my number to a beautiful, apparently awesome boy. Boy called. As we were texting to set up a date later I decided I was totally stupid to give my number to him, cause I could actually like him and, well, I don't really want to set myself up for anymore mission roadblocks. (Not sure if that was my only reasoning or if my blatant fear of relationships and men had something to do with that as well.) Either way, I explained to him my thoughts and said that I thought it better that I pass. He was really cool and nice about it and I couldnt help feeling like I gave up a good one. But trials be trials..
*My momma is doing a (very) little better. She can breathe better now and the water seems to be filling up in her lungs slower? So that makes me somewhat happier although she has started making the 'When I die..' jokes that I try to choke down, but I am none to happy about them, and I am worried that its her way of saying things are much worse than shes letting on, since she's never been good at letting on anything about her cancer anyway.
*I'm off the strict diet for now, and I feel like its helped alot although it seems like the condition hasnt completely gone away, but at least its livable now. :)
There's lots more little things I'm sure, but they are less than important. Although maybe it would be good to update on the little things, cause then maybe I'd feel like something is happening in my life. Maybe I'll report on the runway show I did awhile back and post some pictures of my wicked red hair I had too. The trials and temptations seem to be popping up again more now that things have become more active again with the Mission papers. But I know that things will get better if I keep on pluggin along and strive to keep the Lord on my side. I guess I havent written in awhile cause I've felt like I've had nothin happy worth writin about. But I guess I thought I ought to say 'hey' and 'i'm alive!'. So here goes: 'Greetings from Limbo!' Hope to see you all in a better place here soon, or ya know, not be seeing you but still in a better place soon (mission mission mission!!). Loves- Liz
*Mission papers were supposed to go in a week ago last Friday, but tada! I'm still here. Doctors had their little meeting and decided they wanted me to meet with the medical Doc again. Seems they're not quite convinced I don't need anti-anxiety meds. And its okay, cause after this last week and a half, I'm not sure I am either.
*Gave my number to a beautiful, apparently awesome boy. Boy called. As we were texting to set up a date later I decided I was totally stupid to give my number to him, cause I could actually like him and, well, I don't really want to set myself up for anymore mission roadblocks. (Not sure if that was my only reasoning or if my blatant fear of relationships and men had something to do with that as well.) Either way, I explained to him my thoughts and said that I thought it better that I pass. He was really cool and nice about it and I couldnt help feeling like I gave up a good one. But trials be trials..
*My momma is doing a (very) little better. She can breathe better now and the water seems to be filling up in her lungs slower? So that makes me somewhat happier although she has started making the 'When I die..' jokes that I try to choke down, but I am none to happy about them, and I am worried that its her way of saying things are much worse than shes letting on, since she's never been good at letting on anything about her cancer anyway.
*I'm off the strict diet for now, and I feel like its helped alot although it seems like the condition hasnt completely gone away, but at least its livable now. :)
There's lots more little things I'm sure, but they are less than important. Although maybe it would be good to update on the little things, cause then maybe I'd feel like something is happening in my life. Maybe I'll report on the runway show I did awhile back and post some pictures of my wicked red hair I had too. The trials and temptations seem to be popping up again more now that things have become more active again with the Mission papers. But I know that things will get better if I keep on pluggin along and strive to keep the Lord on my side. I guess I havent written in awhile cause I've felt like I've had nothin happy worth writin about. But I guess I thought I ought to say 'hey' and 'i'm alive!'. So here goes: 'Greetings from Limbo!' Hope to see you all in a better place here soon, or ya know, not be seeing you but still in a better place soon (mission mission mission!!). Loves- Liz
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Happy Dance
So I'm not really sure what to say, but I feel really happy right now. Life has been interesting and challenging lately, but I think I have kind of liked it. Recently I figured out that I have Candida (its basically a bacteria overgrowth from being on too many antiobiotics, whatnot) and that pretty much the only cure was to change around my diet completely. And I mean completely. Apparently the bacteria likes things like sugar and carbs (which was pretty much my diet previously) and a diet like that can actually make the problem worse. Which was starting to cause my migraines, my intolerance to sugar, sluggishness, and brain fog. Can I tell you how happy I was to find out that I wasn't just an Idiot?! :D So I have started to go on this diet (as of early last week) and I have already noticed almost a 180 turn around. I still have alot of the problems, and apparently Candida is suuuuper hard and long to cure, but I can't tell you how amazing I have felt and how much of a change it has been for me. Ok, so let me tell you a little bit about the diet... Cause when I first read it, I thought it was simple enough, but after researching it more, I thought it was kind of a joke... Because, well, the list of things I CAN'T eat are longer than the list of things I CAN eat. Here goes-- NO sugar, NO dairy (except plain yogurt, and I drink almond or soy milk instead of cow), NO refined wheat, rice, yadayadayada (I can have buckwheat, brown and wild rice- all has to be gluten free), NO fruit (thats right.. Fruit. Too much sugar apparently, Although I cheat a little with pineapple cause the alkaline level is high enough it becomes kind of a catch 22... and PLEASE.. I'm not THAT strong!). I'm supposed to stay away from anything but free-range, organic meat (the antibiotics and hormones they put in animals can irritate the problem), NO processed food, certain kinds of nuts, or corn, potatoes, almost all vinegars, and absolutely NO yeast (which weirdly enough rules out alot of spice flavorings). Oh, and I'm supposed to stay away from microwaves. As in, don't heat up any food unless you want to use a skillet or an oven.
Needless to say, I have eaten a disgusting amount of raw vegetables, steak (which I am actually starting to get sick of, who would have thought?) chicken, seafood, and cold leftovers. All of this hasn't been so bad actually. I have to give my family super Kudos for being supportive and understanding, and even trying to find things I can eat. (It was almost comical going through the fridge and pantry trying to find things I can eat. Folks, look at your salad dressings- I dare you to find one that doesn't have sugar, dairy, or vinegar in any of them.) I love them so much, and I'm so greatful they are my family. My sister Katie is an angel, and one night I came home and she had even tried to make fajita's with whole wheat tortillas (which I'm not really supposed to eat, but it really can be so hard to remember with this dumb diet), but the whole ensemble was too sugary for me and I could tell it wasnt gonna be good for me so I couldnt finish it. But the fact that she tried really made my whole night, and I just lit up like a Christmas tree. The woman cooks for a housefull of people so to try to change things up for me in what would obviously be less appealing fashion for everyone else was such a sacrifice. I also have to give my friends props for not mocking me and being pretty understanding as well. I kind of figured that alot of them would think I was weird or that I was trying to do some extreme weightloss fad. I do NOT have enough willpower to skip out on as many chocolate covered donuts, chips, pasta salads, and dessert menus as I have just to shrink my reflection in the mirror.
After the initial 'I can do this!' and extreme optimism, which I am proud to say lasted at least a few days, and then reading a longer list of Don'ts and breaking down crying, and then having a friend build me back up again, I have to say I am actually starting to look at this as a challenge I should be greatful for. I did the same thing with my migraines, where I just told myself, its God's way of helping me to stay healthier by having to stay away from as much sugar. But apparently I didn't learn my lesson enough and I needed a little more guiding. (Hello. I'm a girl.. Do I need to tell you I like chocolate?) But it has actually been kind of fun to look online and find recipes or look for things that I actually CAN eat. Allrecipes.com has become my new favorite website and life link. I'm even planning on making my own recipe book of things I can eat. Oh, I think I forgot to mention that this isn't one of those diets that you just have to stay on for a few weeks. People who have Candida are often prone to getting it again, so you have to stay pretty close to the diet for the rest of your life. Yep. FOR-EV-ER. The good news is that after I get rid of the initial overgrowth I can start to eat a tiny bit of sugar and other things. But for the most part I will most likely be gluten-free and low sugar, low processed foods for the rest of my life. If I'm that strong. Which I hope I am. I don't want to be one of those stories I have read where the problem comes back and I have to do this again.
Ok, I have to mention that I did break down a little yesterday, so I'm not perfect.. It was my Dad's Birthday and we went to Red Lobster (I can eat most everything on their menu to my hearts content. Butter weirdly enough is actually allowed, and lemons are actually encouraged cause they are one of the few fruits that are initially acidic but change to an alkaline state in the body. I feel so smart right now. :)) And I have been taking this stuff that my dad gave me to help kill it, and I kneeew I might breakdown with those yummy, flakey, cheese biscuits they have there. So I let myself give in.. just a little. And then my dad had ordered a virgin strawberry daquiri that was delivered in a Martini glass that was a big enough size for a baby turtle to swim in and decided he wanted to show me how well the stuff he gave me could work. So I had some.. alot of some. And then I had some more biscuits.. and then some strawberry cheesecake.. And it was Amazing! But after even several sips of the daquiri I was starting to feel sick. My head was getting fuzzy, my stomach queesy, and some of the old symptoms were starting to flare up. So through trial and ERROR, I can say that this diet is really working for me. I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn so many new things, about nutrition, greater willpower, the love of my family, a newfound desire to cook and help others feel better too, and that my Heeavenly Father loves me. Alot. This could change me for the rest of my life and help me to help others for the better. Which I love to do. So even though this may make things seriously hard for dating, my mission, my grocery budget, my family, and my willpower, I am thankful that I am being kicked in the butt to be healthier and given the opportunity to grow. I hope everyone can see the trials in there life as hidden blessings and take them as the opportunities to learn and grow that they are. I'm not excited for the future conversations I will have to have of explaining why I can't have this or that, but I am excited for the newfound freedom I'll have from my symptoms and the health that comes with it. And hey.. who says that smaller reflection isn't a great side-effect? :)
Hoping you have a great, sunny, WARM day. :)
P.s. A new tip I have found- If you want to make a salad dressing that is healthy and actually GOOD for you, try making yours from Plain Yogurt. Buy the Ranch packets in the store and just add it to the yogurt instead of Sour Cream. Tons less fat, lots of probiotics (good bacteria thats needed to fight the bad, and good for digestion) and it tastes almost exactly the same. (Greek yogurt is good if you like thicker dressing, and the yogurts can come in Fat-Free too. Bonus!!) :)
Needless to say, I have eaten a disgusting amount of raw vegetables, steak (which I am actually starting to get sick of, who would have thought?) chicken, seafood, and cold leftovers. All of this hasn't been so bad actually. I have to give my family super Kudos for being supportive and understanding, and even trying to find things I can eat. (It was almost comical going through the fridge and pantry trying to find things I can eat. Folks, look at your salad dressings- I dare you to find one that doesn't have sugar, dairy, or vinegar in any of them.) I love them so much, and I'm so greatful they are my family. My sister Katie is an angel, and one night I came home and she had even tried to make fajita's with whole wheat tortillas (which I'm not really supposed to eat, but it really can be so hard to remember with this dumb diet), but the whole ensemble was too sugary for me and I could tell it wasnt gonna be good for me so I couldnt finish it. But the fact that she tried really made my whole night, and I just lit up like a Christmas tree. The woman cooks for a housefull of people so to try to change things up for me in what would obviously be less appealing fashion for everyone else was such a sacrifice. I also have to give my friends props for not mocking me and being pretty understanding as well. I kind of figured that alot of them would think I was weird or that I was trying to do some extreme weightloss fad. I do NOT have enough willpower to skip out on as many chocolate covered donuts, chips, pasta salads, and dessert menus as I have just to shrink my reflection in the mirror.
After the initial 'I can do this!' and extreme optimism, which I am proud to say lasted at least a few days, and then reading a longer list of Don'ts and breaking down crying, and then having a friend build me back up again, I have to say I am actually starting to look at this as a challenge I should be greatful for. I did the same thing with my migraines, where I just told myself, its God's way of helping me to stay healthier by having to stay away from as much sugar. But apparently I didn't learn my lesson enough and I needed a little more guiding. (Hello. I'm a girl.. Do I need to tell you I like chocolate?) But it has actually been kind of fun to look online and find recipes or look for things that I actually CAN eat. Allrecipes.com has become my new favorite website and life link. I'm even planning on making my own recipe book of things I can eat. Oh, I think I forgot to mention that this isn't one of those diets that you just have to stay on for a few weeks. People who have Candida are often prone to getting it again, so you have to stay pretty close to the diet for the rest of your life. Yep. FOR-EV-ER. The good news is that after I get rid of the initial overgrowth I can start to eat a tiny bit of sugar and other things. But for the most part I will most likely be gluten-free and low sugar, low processed foods for the rest of my life. If I'm that strong. Which I hope I am. I don't want to be one of those stories I have read where the problem comes back and I have to do this again.
Ok, I have to mention that I did break down a little yesterday, so I'm not perfect.. It was my Dad's Birthday and we went to Red Lobster (I can eat most everything on their menu to my hearts content. Butter weirdly enough is actually allowed, and lemons are actually encouraged cause they are one of the few fruits that are initially acidic but change to an alkaline state in the body. I feel so smart right now. :)) And I have been taking this stuff that my dad gave me to help kill it, and I kneeew I might breakdown with those yummy, flakey, cheese biscuits they have there. So I let myself give in.. just a little. And then my dad had ordered a virgin strawberry daquiri that was delivered in a Martini glass that was a big enough size for a baby turtle to swim in and decided he wanted to show me how well the stuff he gave me could work. So I had some.. alot of some. And then I had some more biscuits.. and then some strawberry cheesecake.. And it was Amazing! But after even several sips of the daquiri I was starting to feel sick. My head was getting fuzzy, my stomach queesy, and some of the old symptoms were starting to flare up. So through trial and ERROR, I can say that this diet is really working for me. I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn so many new things, about nutrition, greater willpower, the love of my family, a newfound desire to cook and help others feel better too, and that my Heeavenly Father loves me. Alot. This could change me for the rest of my life and help me to help others for the better. Which I love to do. So even though this may make things seriously hard for dating, my mission, my grocery budget, my family, and my willpower, I am thankful that I am being kicked in the butt to be healthier and given the opportunity to grow. I hope everyone can see the trials in there life as hidden blessings and take them as the opportunities to learn and grow that they are. I'm not excited for the future conversations I will have to have of explaining why I can't have this or that, but I am excited for the newfound freedom I'll have from my symptoms and the health that comes with it. And hey.. who says that smaller reflection isn't a great side-effect? :)
Hoping you have a great, sunny, WARM day. :)
P.s. A new tip I have found- If you want to make a salad dressing that is healthy and actually GOOD for you, try making yours from Plain Yogurt. Buy the Ranch packets in the store and just add it to the yogurt instead of Sour Cream. Tons less fat, lots of probiotics (good bacteria thats needed to fight the bad, and good for digestion) and it tastes almost exactly the same. (Greek yogurt is good if you like thicker dressing, and the yogurts can come in Fat-Free too. Bonus!!) :)
Friday, January 21, 2011
Stars shine brighter
So life has been pretty nice lately. Albeit I am living out of a suitcase and sleeping on a mattress in my little sisters sometimes chilly livingroom, I have to say I am pretty blessed. Before I got kicked out of the place I was living in (Really long story, but the short version is that my older sister's landlady is well, I have nothing nice to say about her, so I wont, (but she has some SERIOUS control/crazy... (ok, i'll be nice) issues.) and that she didnt want me staying in the house anymore. So it was either I moved out within a couple days or my sisters whole family would get kicked out of the rental house in a month. I'll admit I cried alot, cause it kinda sucks to finally have someplace somewhat comfortable and homey to live in, and the next moment be without one at all. Thankfully my family is one that is used to helping each other and trying to patch things up in the face of adversity. So my lil sis has let me call her living room home for a few weeks til I can find a new place. (Its kind of cute actually cause she doesnt have a bed, so she sleeps on the couch and when I moved in she started sleeping on mine when I go to work since she's usually up through the night. So we have a rotating schedule where we can both have a bed to sleep on. :)) My older sister may have just found a new house for everyone to be able to fit in, with more rooms and a (most likely) more understanding landlord. I'm hoping it works out, and if not, I still have faith that God knows whats going on and that things will be okay and work out in their own due time.
I realize trials are only there to make us stronger and sometimes I think God is trying to prepare me for the Strong-Man contest. But I am grateful for them nonetheless. Sometimes I feel like I need them. When life just feels like an emotionless blur, and I dont know what to think or if what's important is really important, I almost find myself wishing for one to help put things back in perspective. I thought of something that made a beautiful image in my head for it. 'Stars shine brighter the darker it gets.' (It might already be a quote that I just remembered.) Our blessings are like stars, and in a world where there are ever lights on outside, and other things to be distracted by, its amazing how we can often miss something so beautiful, until all the sudden things get darker and we are forced to see they are there, and that they are brighter than we ever realized. I'm so thankful for my family. I'm thankful for my jobs, my car, a roof over my head, and that I have friends and influences around me that keep me sane and buoyed up. And I'm thankful that God still knows I'm here. It's interesting how He work in mysterious ways. But so many times I am grateful for that, because He is the master painter, the master writer, and how boring a world it would be to live in if He weren't. ♥
I realize trials are only there to make us stronger and sometimes I think God is trying to prepare me for the Strong-Man contest. But I am grateful for them nonetheless. Sometimes I feel like I need them. When life just feels like an emotionless blur, and I dont know what to think or if what's important is really important, I almost find myself wishing for one to help put things back in perspective. I thought of something that made a beautiful image in my head for it. 'Stars shine brighter the darker it gets.' (It might already be a quote that I just remembered.) Our blessings are like stars, and in a world where there are ever lights on outside, and other things to be distracted by, its amazing how we can often miss something so beautiful, until all the sudden things get darker and we are forced to see they are there, and that they are brighter than we ever realized. I'm so thankful for my family. I'm thankful for my jobs, my car, a roof over my head, and that I have friends and influences around me that keep me sane and buoyed up. And I'm thankful that God still knows I'm here. It's interesting how He work in mysterious ways. But so many times I am grateful for that, because He is the master painter, the master writer, and how boring a world it would be to live in if He weren't. ♥
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
10
Holding a smile that curls 1/10th of 1/10th,
But you know the grin that hides behind my eyes.
Gazing at me in wonder,
A neck craned so slight,
Peering within to find the crevaces that in my soul lie.
Searching how something appearing so shallow
Can have an abyss hiding inside.
I hide in my corner,
But you steal through my unseen rooms.
10 steps away
And closer than 10 thousand others before.
A friend for so long but how in an instant all can change.
You cross the room, put a hand on my soul,
And I try not to hold on, but obstain.
Orange to blue. Blue to Orange.
Someday I want something that will hold true.
But today I know, that in this time,
My Dear friend, this won't ever be with you.
Welcome to the world.
You've tumble-bumbled through a black box before,
They lamely lied a wonderous life.
But this, herein is where you're meant to be,
This herein was where you're meant to lie.
With silk-soft arms holding ever in,
And honey-laced lips brushing 'cross sweet eyes.
Our palms pressed, kissing, and fingertips molded,
A fit for in which puzzle pieces may only strive.
My dear, close those affecting eyes,
Forevers come and gone.
But I'm still here, and will be always,
For I love you 10 times those endless stars
And then again, even on.
But you know the grin that hides behind my eyes.
Gazing at me in wonder,
A neck craned so slight,
Peering within to find the crevaces that in my soul lie.
Searching how something appearing so shallow
Can have an abyss hiding inside.
I hide in my corner,
But you steal through my unseen rooms.
10 steps away
And closer than 10 thousand others before.
A friend for so long but how in an instant all can change.
You cross the room, put a hand on my soul,
And I try not to hold on, but obstain.
Orange to blue. Blue to Orange.
Someday I want something that will hold true.
But today I know, that in this time,
My Dear friend, this won't ever be with you.
Welcome to the world.
You've tumble-bumbled through a black box before,
They lamely lied a wonderous life.
But this, herein is where you're meant to be,
This herein was where you're meant to lie.
With silk-soft arms holding ever in,
And honey-laced lips brushing 'cross sweet eyes.
Our palms pressed, kissing, and fingertips molded,
A fit for in which puzzle pieces may only strive.
My dear, close those affecting eyes,
Forevers come and gone.
But I'm still here, and will be always,
For I love you 10 times those endless stars
And then again, even on.
Monday, November 22, 2010
No. 4
(I started this post last friday and have changed it a little to make it applicable to now.)
So I was planning on posting soon anyways, but I got some news just recently that made me want to write. Because I don't really have alot of really close friends that I can talk to about anything, I write. And I know people say 'If you ever need anything you can talk to me..' but how many people actually mean that, or if they do, how many of us are actually brave enough or desperate enough to want to actually go spill to someone we hardly know, and we feel would leave us just as empty after talking to? So I write.
I got home after my second job last thursday with full intention of going straight to bed so that I could wake up around 12:30 to go to the Harry Potter premier a friend had invited me to (Yea, I know it was super crazy, but I felt I wanted/should go because I had baled on this friend on a previous midnight showing cause I wasn't feeling well and other dumb circumstances). So I got home and figured I should go upstairs and check on my family, the babies, see how they were all doing and say good night. But my mom was there, I guess to help out while one of my sis's and her husband went to get food. Its good to see my mom, I hardly ever get to see her lately and if I do its usually for 2-20 minutes. I call her more frequently now tho since she's been getting worse, and we have big plans to go to Shopko and have a shopping spree on their new scarves and hats she saw before all her hair falls out. We all talked for a bit about who knows what and then my sister and her husband came home, and then my mom started in on something. She started to get broken up and it took me a minute to get was she was saying. 'I got a call from Uncle Bobby and for some reason Grandma blacked out so she ended up at the hospital and they found that she has cancer on her kidney.. so they had an emergency surgery and they are hoping it will work out ok. If not she has about a week to live, if it does than she has about 3 to 6 months....' I love my grandma. She lives in Florida so I havent been able to see her in 4 years. But I've kept thinking how much I miss her lately and how I wish I could go out there just to see her. I've thought about it, but with saving up for a mission I figured it would be kind of a selfish indulgence to spend the money to go out there, and with my two jobs it seemed nearly impossible to get it off anyways. (She has always been in perfect health so I figured I could see her when I came back from a mission.) I write her every now and then and I had a feeling a couple weeks back to write her again, I had been meaning to for awhile but I finally had the thought at a time I actually had time to do it. I wrote her about life, school, work, and the hope of going on a mission. I told her how much Grandpa was such an example to me and helped me to learn how important working hard and doing things right was, and how much I miss him as well. I talked alot about God and how I am so much happier with life and I hope that she could someday find the happiness I have found by knowing him. I worried that I would turn her off because she isnt Mormon although she is Christian, (this is where I ended before I had to get off, and some things have changed to make me finish this a different way..) but apparently my mom says that my Uncle said that he doesnt know what I said in that letter, but it has made her so happy and she hasnt stopped talking about it since. He said thank you more than any words can say.. I was shocked, but so happy, because I love my Grandma, and because I also know that it wasnt all me.. God had a large hand in getting me to write and helping me to know what to say, and I was just an instrument in his hand to help her. :) I love when things like that happen. When God lets you be a part of helping someone else, and when he makes it sooo obvious how much he loves his children. I don't know what part of what I said really impacted her, but I'm sooo thankful that I was listening to be able to say it.
I bought one-way tickets last friday for my mom and little sister to go to Florida this Friday after Thanksgiving and then I was planning on flying out the day of my last class and staying for about 5 days. But when I got home last night my family was all there again and my mother informed me that my little sister could not go because My grandma would not be able to handle the stress. She had already had a stress attack that had made her heart stop apparently and thankfully my aunt (who is a nurse) happened to be there to help her. Everyone chimed in at once and basically said that I needed to go. All my other siblings are too young or have babies and couldnt. I have work and school but they all said I should be the one to go. I could do my homework there they said because my Grandma apparently has a collection of sewing machines.. lol. And I would only need to get 3 days off at one of my jobs by some fluke of amazingness. But I already talked to my morning job and they said they didnt think they could let me. Apparently friday two of the office girls already have off and so they said no. But I'm still hoping something else works out. If not, oh well, thats life. I just hope that I'll still be able to make it out there before she passes.
Oh by the way No. 4? No. 4 means that this is the 4th out of 5 people on my mother's side of the family who have been diagnosed with some sort of cancer. My grandma's is apparently the rarest type of cancer, and has a 1% survival rate of lasting up to a year after detected. Crazy right? Thank heavens for God, Jesus Christ, the Lds church and the influence they all have in my life. I don't know how I would make it through these days without them. I love you all and hope you have a wonderful holiday season. Happy Thanksgiving and remember all the many things we have to be grateful for. :) Wish me luck, and hopefully, I will have better news for you all soon! ♥ -Liz
So I was planning on posting soon anyways, but I got some news just recently that made me want to write. Because I don't really have alot of really close friends that I can talk to about anything, I write. And I know people say 'If you ever need anything you can talk to me..' but how many people actually mean that, or if they do, how many of us are actually brave enough or desperate enough to want to actually go spill to someone we hardly know, and we feel would leave us just as empty after talking to? So I write.
I got home after my second job last thursday with full intention of going straight to bed so that I could wake up around 12:30 to go to the Harry Potter premier a friend had invited me to (Yea, I know it was super crazy, but I felt I wanted/should go because I had baled on this friend on a previous midnight showing cause I wasn't feeling well and other dumb circumstances). So I got home and figured I should go upstairs and check on my family, the babies, see how they were all doing and say good night. But my mom was there, I guess to help out while one of my sis's and her husband went to get food. Its good to see my mom, I hardly ever get to see her lately and if I do its usually for 2-20 minutes. I call her more frequently now tho since she's been getting worse, and we have big plans to go to Shopko and have a shopping spree on their new scarves and hats she saw before all her hair falls out. We all talked for a bit about who knows what and then my sister and her husband came home, and then my mom started in on something. She started to get broken up and it took me a minute to get was she was saying. 'I got a call from Uncle Bobby and for some reason Grandma blacked out so she ended up at the hospital and they found that she has cancer on her kidney.. so they had an emergency surgery and they are hoping it will work out ok. If not she has about a week to live, if it does than she has about 3 to 6 months....' I love my grandma. She lives in Florida so I havent been able to see her in 4 years. But I've kept thinking how much I miss her lately and how I wish I could go out there just to see her. I've thought about it, but with saving up for a mission I figured it would be kind of a selfish indulgence to spend the money to go out there, and with my two jobs it seemed nearly impossible to get it off anyways. (She has always been in perfect health so I figured I could see her when I came back from a mission.) I write her every now and then and I had a feeling a couple weeks back to write her again, I had been meaning to for awhile but I finally had the thought at a time I actually had time to do it. I wrote her about life, school, work, and the hope of going on a mission. I told her how much Grandpa was such an example to me and helped me to learn how important working hard and doing things right was, and how much I miss him as well. I talked alot about God and how I am so much happier with life and I hope that she could someday find the happiness I have found by knowing him. I worried that I would turn her off because she isnt Mormon although she is Christian, (this is where I ended before I had to get off, and some things have changed to make me finish this a different way..) but apparently my mom says that my Uncle said that he doesnt know what I said in that letter, but it has made her so happy and she hasnt stopped talking about it since. He said thank you more than any words can say.. I was shocked, but so happy, because I love my Grandma, and because I also know that it wasnt all me.. God had a large hand in getting me to write and helping me to know what to say, and I was just an instrument in his hand to help her. :) I love when things like that happen. When God lets you be a part of helping someone else, and when he makes it sooo obvious how much he loves his children. I don't know what part of what I said really impacted her, but I'm sooo thankful that I was listening to be able to say it.
I bought one-way tickets last friday for my mom and little sister to go to Florida this Friday after Thanksgiving and then I was planning on flying out the day of my last class and staying for about 5 days. But when I got home last night my family was all there again and my mother informed me that my little sister could not go because My grandma would not be able to handle the stress. She had already had a stress attack that had made her heart stop apparently and thankfully my aunt (who is a nurse) happened to be there to help her. Everyone chimed in at once and basically said that I needed to go. All my other siblings are too young or have babies and couldnt. I have work and school but they all said I should be the one to go. I could do my homework there they said because my Grandma apparently has a collection of sewing machines.. lol. And I would only need to get 3 days off at one of my jobs by some fluke of amazingness. But I already talked to my morning job and they said they didnt think they could let me. Apparently friday two of the office girls already have off and so they said no. But I'm still hoping something else works out. If not, oh well, thats life. I just hope that I'll still be able to make it out there before she passes.
Oh by the way No. 4? No. 4 means that this is the 4th out of 5 people on my mother's side of the family who have been diagnosed with some sort of cancer. My grandma's is apparently the rarest type of cancer, and has a 1% survival rate of lasting up to a year after detected. Crazy right? Thank heavens for God, Jesus Christ, the Lds church and the influence they all have in my life. I don't know how I would make it through these days without them. I love you all and hope you have a wonderful holiday season. Happy Thanksgiving and remember all the many things we have to be grateful for. :) Wish me luck, and hopefully, I will have better news for you all soon! ♥ -Liz
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